Tag Archives: junk food party!

It’s Not Junk if It’s Homemade, Part One

Two weekends ago — I was going to write “last weekend,” but who am I kidding? — Hook and I whipped up homemade versions of our favorite junk foods. Quick! What’s my favorite junk food? If you guessed all junk food, you are correct! But, because I like my writing to be about specifics (not generalities), I’ll let you know that Hookler & I made tortilla chips and s’mores ice cream.

Are you jealous? You should be, and then you should get over it. Obv., our renditions of these tasty treats were leagues better than the store-bought versions, but both snacks were easy to make. Like, really easy. The ice cream required some planning, but the chips took about as much time + effort to prepare as a frozen pizza.The chips were borne of a trend toward waste reduction. I know: I’m always talking about how I try to use up leftovers, to reduce food waste, &c, but lately our food wastage has gotten out of hand. Cleaning the fridge last week, I had to throw away a few yogurts, acres of produce, and an unopened package of organic, local, grass-fed andouille. Those sausages alone (the pair of them) set me back $8! Not only was I annoyed — I was embarrassed that I hadn’t managed to eat the sausage within the generous window between purchase and expiry date. Durrrr.

Thanks to a recent taco night, we had a package of tortillas kickin’ on the top shelf, waiting to be used. I don’t know about you, but I use tortillas for only one thing: taco generation. With eggs, I like toast; for sandwiches, I use bread. I’m not keen on wrap sandwiches; they usually get destroyed during my commute (that, or just soggy). In our house, tortillas [sadly] go to waste.

Not anymore. Hook had the idea to make homemade Doritos. In a flash, he’d found a recipe for homemade chips: cut tortillas into triangles, brush triangles with vegetable oil, season to taste, and bake for 10 minutes at 350. Done. Post-brushing and pre-baking, we sprinkled our chips with seasoning. I dumped a shit-ton of pecorino romano on mine; Hook coated his with a proprietary spice blend that somewhat mimicked Doritos’ flavor profile.

The result? Delicious crisps that rival the fresh chips served at any restaurant. I’m not exaggerating, folks. The chips’ authenticity might owe to my liberal application of oil — I’d run 7.1 miles that day and was all, “I don’t give a fuuuuuuck!” — or perhaps to their saltiness. Regardless, H. and I were in snack heaven. If you have old tortillas (or lavash, or low-carb wraps) on hand, do yourself a favor and make some chips. For additional guidance, go here.